Xmas cracker

Xmas cracker

by Clement Wood ©

Well it wasn’t my original plan to spend the week before Xmas minding a fast moving almost four year old girl, but these things happen. I was moving on to a new job after New Year and had given myself a month off for a little R & R before putting on the new saddle and bridle, so to speak. I had already spent two lovely weeks going to the beach, restoring a little order round my dwelling, having the odd lunch or two with friends not that many were free, it being Xmas rush time. So I was a little bit rested and vulnerable when my next door neighbour and very good friend, Pammy, came over to me on the edge of tears. Her childcare arrangements for young Mandolina (don’t ask me why you would give a child this name her father was Italian, but as he had shot through at the first whisper of pregnancy he wasn’t on Pammy’s list of wonderful people), had fallen through. The childcare centres had all closed for the holidays and the latest babysitter had just rushed off to Queensland to look after a dying parent. Pammy herself had an OK management job in a food production firm which was at the height of its Xmas rush, so she was in deep trouble. No parents or family anywhere close, so there she was on a Sunday night, on my doorstep, looking desperate.

-OK, OK, my dear, just relax, yes, of course I will mind Mandy. Of course it would be no trouble ­ I’m just hanging around after all, and listen, who looked after me and listened to hours of wailing when Linderine (that wasn’t really her name) walked out on me last year. Look, really, it will be fine.

I gave her a big cuddle I love her like a sister but I don’t fancy her so we were quite affectionate with each other.

-Now, just one thing, take me back to your place and run me through the daily routine.

So we did. The only tiny problem with little Mandy was that she required constant activity not a child who liked either solitude or quiet. Pammy quickly ran through the list of possible activities ­ parks, TV, videos, swimming and train rides and food likes and dislikes. I was reeling from information overload so I started to extricate myself.

-So, well it’s all under control then. But Pammy dragged me in to view the sleeping child.

-Doesn’t she look like an angel?

I had to agree she lay there sprawled in that unprotected and disarming fashion that children have. She wasn’t one of your pale blonde angels however. Through the Italian lineage she had the pale olive skin and big brown eyes, now closed in sleep. She was a living reminder of her departed father. She had been taken once to visit her paternal grandparents. The old mother had cried because Mandy so resembled her father, but the old father had been wrathful and sent them away muttering words about ‘no married’ and something that sounded like bastard. Pammy put this behind her, but had dropped a note to the old mother with a picture of Mandy and the old mother sent surreptitious little gifts of trinkets and money and Pammy had even dropped in with Mandy when the old man was off watching soccer.

But angel as she was asleep, livewire she was awake. As I departed I asked what time I would be required for duty in the morning.

-Look, I’m so sorry but I have to leave at 7.30…

I flinched.

-How about I drop her in dressed with her gear here’s the spare keys in case you need anything more and perhaps you could give her breakfast?

-Sure, sure, I said, not giving away the awful truth that I was usually fast asleep at 7.30 am and usually got up in a leisurely fashion about 9.00.

As Pammy departed she assured me she would hand over clothes, stroller, provisions and timetable in the morning. I knew that Pammy operated to a very strict timetable she didn’t have much choice, juggling a demanding job and the little one, as she was and besides, timetables was one of her talents – her fridge was covered in them I think she was actually production manager at her place of work.

As she left, she turned and grinned,

Chris, I can’t tell you how grateful I am. That smile made it all worthwhile.

-Oh, and by the way, she went on don’t buy a single thing for Xmas we’ll have enough left over at work to stock an orphanage the reps leave us lots of nice stuff.

-Sounds good to me I grinned you know how I love cooking!

So that was it.

I made a giant effort to be awake, showered and dressed by 7.30, aware that I needed to do this to be ahead of the game. On the dot of 7.30 Pammy and Mandy were on the doorstep, Pammy handing over clothes, a loaf of bread and industrial quantities of Vegemite and honey. Mandy marched in as thought she owned the place a product of babysitters and preschool, she was mistress of her world and of course she already knew me and my house. She instantly demanded cartoons and toast as Pammy fled out the door saying I may not he home till after 6.00.

-That’s fine, I’ll give her dinner, I shouted after her.

But this time Mandy had made herself at home with the TV, found her way to the program she wanted and was demanding food. I hastily set her up with a stack of toast and a glass of milk while I tried to get myself fuelled with cereal and coffee. I am an awful person if I don’t get fed first thing in the morning. Give me a plate of porridge and I can tackle anything, even a day with Mandy. While she watched on, I poured that essential coffee without which my brain does not function and got down to the timetable the one Pammy had provided didn’t seem really enough there was a whole day to fit in walks, parks, the zoo, riding about on buses and trains, and even a brief time when Mandy had a little rest. Oh well, we would play it as it lay, as they say in the classics.

After the TV had moved on to big people’s programs, Mandy lost interest and began asking “What are we going to do naaaow?” a line that still makes me nervous to this day. My place was totally unequipped for entertaining small children, no toys, plasticene, chalk nothing. I quickly decided we needed to hit the streets and as I was suggesting to her that we go to the local park I suddenly realised that I needed to take a small survival kit with us fruit, water, hats, money, that sort of thing. So while Mandy began a detailed inspection of my quarters, I found a little old backpack and stuffed a few essentials into it.

So, grabbing Mandy’s hand and fending off questions about who were the people in the pictures on my bedroom wall -old girlfriends actually we headed off to the nearest park.

It had the usual swings and bouncy things with a horde of on holiday children and a motley crew of minders to referee the struggles for possession of swings and suppress the throwing of sand. Mandy was quite good at getting her share of the action and she chummed up with another little girl. We hung around until midmorning until the little friend went off with her nanny I quite fancied the nanny and I felt it was morning tea time that is, I was desperate for a coffee. I suggested we move on to the local shopping mall to see what it offered. Mandy was showing signs of boredom by then and decided she liked this idea. The shopping mall was only a few blocks away so we set off on foot but Mandy’s little legs gave out well before we got there and I ended up carrying her and the backpack, a real test of my fitness, especially in the blazing summer sun.

It was so cool in there and absolutely packed with the Xmas mob, but we found a quiet corner where we had a richly unhealthy morning tea of coffee and doughnuts and chocolate milk. As we sat there I was planning my next move what to do now? I glanced around the various signs for the big department store, SmithJones, which lived in the mall, offering wondrous things a lingerie display, Santa consultations, a toy demonstration area, Xmas food sampling and more. This all sounded pretty good to me and as the lingerie display was soon to start we set off and I just beat a couple of escaped husbands to seats in the front row I used Mandy as a bargaining chip mother with tired child gambit. So there I sat recovering while various young persons, and a few older ones the fuller figure, you know – trailed along the catwalk with those fixed smiles or blank faces favoured by models well, what expression are you supposed to have when you’re out there in public in your undies? The commentator, an overdressed woman with overblown hair and fingernails an eagle would have coveted, if eagles wore purple nail polish, gave one of those extravagant narratives about uplift and support which made the bras she was describing sound like miracles of engineering. I tried not to giggle as I remembered that old joke about the Fascist bra ‘suppression of the masses’ and the Salvation Army bra ‘uplift of the fallen’ and I couldn’t remember the rest. Fortunately, while I enjoyed the show, Mandy, overwhelmed by food and play, slumped into a slight doze, so that I didn’t have to contend with enquiries about what we were watching.

Finally the show was over and Mandy came to, yawning and stretching and asking what we were going to do naaaohs.

-Well, they have some great toys upstairs, why don’t we go and have a look.

Now, what a brilliant place whole lots of toys to test, not a dollar to spend and a peaceful corner where I could perch and watch while Mandy tested every toy in the place at least twice. This took ages but it finally palled and Mandy galloped over cheerfully saying I like this place, what are we going to do next?

I was ready for her well, how about a visit to Santa?

-For presents? She had me there. Why else would you bother with the old chap?

-I’m not sure. We’ll see.


So we marched off to the Santa arena where there was a short queue of adults and kids waiting for an audience with Santa, the usual rotund figure with an impressive profusion of whiskers sitting on a throne affair with a smaller throne opposite for the small person. The days of kiddies sitting on Santa’s knee had passed, I recalled, because there had been problems with a few Santas who were not of quite the right character.

When our turn came and we had arrived at Santa’s side most minders stood nearby while the child sat, but Mandy said firmly now Chris, you go over there, I don’t want you to hear.

Grinning, I half turned to Santa and said Ok, I’ll leave you to it then.

It was hard to see what Santa thought about this as I only caught a glimpse of blue eyes in a forest of white beard and whiskers and a nod of the head. I dutifully went off to the side for what seemed like ages while Mandy chatted on. There were no more kids following on so she got a big turn. I saw them looking at me a few times and I waved to which Santa gave a royal wave back. Finally Mandy got down from her throne and I went to get her. Santa said in the deepest and gruffest of voices sounded like he had a bad cold actually What a lovely child you have!

-Well, thank you, but she’s not mine in fact. Santa waved farewell and off we went on our next adventure to the food hall where we made little pigs of ourselves tasting the samples and bought something nice for tea. Mandy was an adventurous eater having been brought up on samples Pammy brought home from work. Then off we went home for a watch of telly and a spot of dinner. End of Day One.

For the next day I had plans such as the zoo or the beach but when I suggested this to Mandy she said with a hint of stubbornness that she wanted to see Santy again.

-Well, OK, I agreed, but we’ll do some other things first and go later. Why Santy again? I queried. -Well, he said he’d have a little present for me if I came back.

-Oh really! I mulled this over. Well we’ll go back there then but not till later.

Luckily the mall was so close that this was easy and there was always some little thing I needed to buy.

So this time when we got there after a day at the park and the pool, it was much later. I was wondering about this present. I hadn’t noticed the other children being given presents.

Same routine, we went up to Santa, Mandy shooed me away, they talked on for ages, looking at me every so often until Mandy got down from her throne. This time I went right over, determined to keep an eye on Santa. I said -Thanks, Santa, this is very kind of you as Santa produced a large gift-wrapped present out of a concealed bag. Santa said, looking at me with the blue eyes out of the forest of fur: she¹s a lovely child some of them deserve a little extra.

-Well her mother is doing it by herself.

-She told me her daddy had gone.

I started to say something sexist like ‘typical blokes’ when I remembered I was talking to one. Santa gave a deep guffaw and said: yes, indeed, take this bag and do come back.

-Again? I said in surprise.

-Why not, said Santa, plenty more where this came from out there, jerking his head towards the rear of the store. I like to see it going to someone deserving.

So every day we dropped in to see Santa. Mandy would have her short or long talk depending on how many kids were lined up I tried to aim for the end of the day to save waiting. Same routine we would walk away with a present sometimes small sometimes large. I asked Mandy what they talked about for so long but she said mysteriously, “just things” so I gave up on that one.

On the Thursday of that week -Xmas was on the Saturday we went through the routine as usual but this time Santa summoned me over and put into my hand a Xmas cracker. Santa spoke to me so low that I had to lean near and he said: open this when you get home don’t wait till Xmas-there is a surprise for you.

I gave a slight gasp of surprise somewhere between a gasp and a giggle in fact.

-Oh, Santa, I’ll do just as you say. I looked up at Santa who, I could swear, winked at me but one couldn’t be sure with all that hair: you make sure you do, and waved us on our way. I stashed the cracker and Mandy’s present in my backpack and forgot all about it until I had got Mandy home and fed and was about to hand her over to Pammy when our overtired Mandy yowled for her present. I emptied the backpack and there was the cracker as well. Look what Santa gave me, I said to Pammy. Gosh, that Santa, he spoils you both, she said and off they both went we were all dog-tired.

I decided to have dinner and a drink before opening my surprise.

Just as well I was sitting down when I did. I duly pulled the cracker not much fun doing it by myself and out of it fell a plastic toy, a paper hat and a small piece of notepaper decorated with Xmas symbols. I could see that the side of the cracker had been neatly slit open and taped shut.

The note read: To Chris. Santa cordially invites you to have a drink with her tomorrow night. Your admirer, Nicolette. RSVP 8765 4321 until midnight.

I read and reread this missive. My God, Santa was a woman! Not just a woman, a lesbian! Then I laughed and laughed. Top marks for ingenuity. Drinks with Santa, eh!

She must have figured out I’m a dyke didn’t think I was that obvious. But then she had had all those chats with Mandy. Heaven knows what Mandy had told her. Pammy and I had no secrets and Mandy was always hanging around listening.

Heavens, what to do! Well, it wouldn’t hurt to ring up. What did I have to lose a drink would be OK and she had been nice to Mandy. Well, could that have been to do with me? No, Mandy genuinely liked him.

And it was a full year since my last relationship was over and Xmas was going to be pretty quiet. My family live in another State and I wasn’t going home they were not keen on my lesbian status so Xmas with them was not a barrel of laughs anyway.

Oh, why not? I poured another glass, sat down with the phone and dialed Santa’s number. I found I was holding my breath as the phone rang many times. Finally a panting voice answered: Nic, here.

Is that the North Pole, may I speak to Santa? I said in a mock growly voice, this is Mrs Claus here.

-Oh Chris, it is you isn’t it? You did ring, how wonderful she had the most clear and elegant speaking voice. I did so hope you would.

-Ah well, err why not, I stammered I mean-

-No, No, No, Nic broke in. Look you are so brave I just wasn’t in a position to say anything to you face to face, to come out, so to speak.

-Oh, I relate to that, I said.

Nic went on: but I was so impressed when Mandy told me how you were minding her. -And what else did Mandy tell you?

-Well she said you used to have a nice lady living with you but she had gone away and you had been very sad and cried.

-Heavens, that child misses nothing.

-And she said she didn’t think you liked boys very much. And seeing you standing there looking just a trifle boyish well, I put two and two together and made four. Was my addition correct?

-You must have had a good maths teacher.

This woman had a voice that would charm the birds from the trees just a tiny hint of Irish in there somewhere.

Nic went on: tell me, Chris, would you even consider a drink with me tomorrow night. I finish work about 7.

-Nic look I would really like to, but.

-Oh, don’t say no, she said, with what sounded like genuine sadness.

-No, no, that’s not what I was about to say. It’s just that I have to stay here with Mandy until her mother gets back from work and as it’s her last working day she may be quite late. -Well later, perhaps?

-Look, another possibility would you mind coming over to my place? I live only a few blocks from the mall and that way it doesn’t matter what time Pammy gets home.

Nic said thoughtfully well I guess Mandy won’t recognise me. I will have to bring all my Santa clobber with me but that’s in a suitcase so she won’t see it. Look, if you’re really sure I’ll bring a bottle and few things. It’s really sporting of you to ask me.

At this stage we were starting to chat like old friends and I was keener and keener to see what the real Santa looked like.

-That’s fine please don’t bring a thing Pammy is deluging me in food and drink as a reward for minding Mandy. I’ll expect you at 7ish then?

-Wonderful, she breathed, her voice almost luminous. But what’s your address? We sorted that out and I said we may not see you tomorrow I am planning a trip to the zoo for the day and we may be late back.

-That’s fine, she said. It will be a madhouse in Santa Land tomorrow it’s the last day. So, you will see me on your doorstep at seven.

-I’m dying of curiosity.

She chuckled. So am I. See you then, bye.

And that was that.


I could hardly sleep for wondering what she would be like.

Luckily the zoo trip kept me very busy and luckily the animals kept Mandy entertained because now I was quite distracted. What would Santa look like? Apart form the blue eyes and the glorious voice, I didn’t have much to go on. I couldn’t even deduce how tall or big she was because I had only ever seen her seated.

Despite the busyness, the day seemed to crawl past but at last we made our weary way home. Pammy came early to my great surprise. With her famous efficiency she had got her work over and done early and was on my doorstep by five. As I handed Mandy over in exchange for what seemed to be a bonanza of Xmas food and drink, Pammy said, I hope this keeps you going for a day or two we had an absolute deluge of samples and presents this year. Are we still on for early Xmas dinner tomorrow night?

-Sure am, and I have some really interesting news but I’ll save it up!

A flash of interest passed over Pammy’s very tired face.

Oh, she said, now you’ve got me interested.

-Tomorrow, I said, ruffling Mandy’s hair. Thanks for letting me have her. It has been full of fun and surprises.

-I can’t thank you enough, but you know that. See you tomorrow.

And off they went and I began beating my small house into order and investigating Pammy’s largesse.

I even got around to making my bed and reorganising the debris in the spare room. I put out plates and glasses and prowled around nervously. Would I put on some music something gentle Heavens, that may sound like I’m trying to seduce her soft lights, sexy music, all that. I’d better settle for something neutral and classic.

This sorted out, I realised that I needed to clean myself up there was a real aroma of sweaty animals and dripping paddlepops about me and my clothes.

I dived into the shower and had no sooner got out after a thorough sluicing and wrapped myself in a large towel than the doorbell rang.

Oh, damn, I thought, Pammy must have forgotten something.

I raced to the door and half-opened it saying: Pammy, what do you want? Putting my dripping head round the edge.

-Chris, it’s not Pammy, it’s Nic.

-Oh, my God, you are early, I said with scant manners.

-Chris, I’m really sorry but we finished early and someone offered me a lift and I knew you’d be here.

Hey, hey, that’s fine I said standing behind the door as I held it open for her. Just come in, stow your gear somewhere, grab a drink and I’ll be with you in a short while. She came in and I retreated to my bedroom and shut the door.

I rapidly towelled my hair and ran a brush through it and thought about what to wear the quickest thing was loose pants and a T-shirt, bra or no bra the latter, I hold up pretty well without one, no shoes had to be quick. This accomplished, I took a few very deep breaths and went into the living room. And there she was, drink in hand, prowling around, now inspecting my music collection. My quick impression had been of someone dark haired, tall and well built and she was all of that. I was surprised by the dark hair with the blue eyes I expected a blonde like me but she had pale skin and this dark wavy hair quite English/Irish looking really. Casually dressed in jeans and an open necked white shirt.

She turned to look at me as I stood there watching her.

-Oh, Chris, she said, I am so sorry to catch you by surprise. It was just such a good chance to get away from that place early. And I’m sorry about all this stuff it looks like I’m moving in but it’s all this Santa gear.

-Look, here I am standing like a dummy, I was a bit caught short but I needed that shower after our day at the zoo. And how about you, by the way, would you like a shower, I mean? She gave the most lovely smile no, no -a shower is one of the few amenities they have in that awful place -let me assure you, you need a deluge of water to wash away a day in that damn Santa suit.

We stood there temporarily at a loss for words, gazing at each other. I said lamely err I hope the music is OK.

She said, sure it is and with that came over to me, no, it’s fine, really pleasant, and she stood in front of me and held me gently by the upper arms.

Hey, take it easy, you don’t know how nervous I am, just feel, and she took my hand and placed it on the swell of her left breast just above her heart feel how it’s pounding like a steam locomotive. We stood there a moment, close. She then returned me my hand and said, let’s sit down, I’m out on my feet with fatigue despite the fact I’ve been sitting down all day.

-Yes, Mandy and I spent the day at the zoo as I mentioned and I haven’t walked so much for years. Let’s slump.

So we both slumped, one in each of the two long lounge chairs placed corner to corner around a large square coffee table. And we lay there drinking and eating for ages chatting about our lives and finally, much much later, our loves.

I immediately asked about the Santa job.

-Unusual job for a woman, she grinned. Well, yes. In truth, I am an actor by profession and as you probably can guess work for us is very sporadic. So I grabbed the Santa Claus thing I desperately needed a few weeks of good regular money I was broke. Mind you, it took some effort to convince the floor manager that I could do it. I had to do a demonstration in the gear with full makeup and the growly voice before they were convinced. But a few things worked in my favour apparently last year’s old bloke kept falling asleep and fell off his throne in front of the kids which upset them no end. And the one the year before that was rather too friendly with the kids, so they decided I might be a good thing. And I was!

-Well, I’d have to agree with that.

-Darling, she said in her most theatrical voice, It was a truly awful job but I must tell you that the two of you helped make it bearable. A day with those awful boring straight people with those greedy children was hell. But there was your little Mandy, such a nice ungreedy child. And you were such a treat, prowling around like Nelson on the quarterdeck, very appealing.

I raised an eyebrow at her. You’re not so bad yourself but I do prefer you without the whiskers. I must tell you that your voice sends shivers down my spine but I can’t understand how you have any voice left at all after growling all day.

-Professional training, my dear, on both counts.

At this point I thought it better to lead us back to safer ground.

-The blue eyes threw me, you know. I was expecting you to be blonde.

-Ah, well you see, it was the Mick in me. We Oirish often have dark hair and blue eyes. I was actually born in Ireland but we came out here when I was very young.

-I can still hear the trace of the accent, I really like it.

-People seem to, she said, and by the way, what do you do for a living?

How come you seem to be so free at this time of the year when everyone else is working like a demon?

-Well, it does sound boring, but actually I’m an accountant and I am about to change jobs. So I gave myself a month off. Xmas can be quiet for us it’s the middle of the year that’s always bad. And, I said quite defensively, I usually work heaps of overtime so I needed a big break. My work habits didn’t do much for my last relationship, I said reflectively. Well, let me tell you about the crazy lives of actors and relationshipsŠ We both mused over that one, having already established that we were both free of relationships at that moment, her last one having broken up some months back. We chatted on until it was quite late. By then we had eaten heaps and heaps and drunk bottles. At that point Nic yawned, stretched and said: Oh Lord, it’s time I was going this has been so lovely that I forgot the time.

I too yawned and stretched, thinking fast.

-Look, Nic, I’d love to drive you home but I have had far too much to drink.

-Oh, look, I could get a taxi, I usually do.

-My dear, from here it would cost a fortune I knew by then that firstly, she had very little money and secondly, she lived a long way across the city.

-It would be such a pity to waste all that hard-earned Santa money. Why don’t you stay, I do have a spare room.

Nic began: oh, please don’t think you have to invite me to stay I mean this was all my idea.

I went over and sat beside her and looked into her eyes. Hey, I would love to have you stay and know that you were safe too many loonies out on the streets at night and then I could drive you home in the morning. Do you have to be anywhere early on Xmas morning?

-No, no, I have a few rather general invitations for Xmas lunch and dinner but nothing pressing.

-Good. Will you stay then?

She looked me in the eye. Yes, I am so tired and it’s so nice here and I’d love to if it’s not too much trouble.

-I will be so much happier if you do. Let’s go and sort out a bed.


We both rose rather unsteadily to our feet and I led the way to the spare bedroom. We stood at the door surveying the scene. Oops, I had forgotten that the piles of possessions which I had so recently tidied up now made it impossible to open up the folding bed without major shifting of stuff. And making up the bed would be a real project.

We stood there gazing at this problem, drunkenly leaning on each other I don’t think either of us had realised how drunk we were until we stood up.

-Oooh, said Nic, thish is a hard one, lesh have another drink and think about it.

So we did. Then we struggled to our feet again to try to resolve the bed question. Back to the door of the spare room. Nic said: no, thish is hopelesh I’m going to fall down soon. Where do you shleep? We went very unsteadily to my room where the bed was at least tidy, not that it mattered.

-Looksh big enough, said Nic and as I was replying proudly Ish king size Lesh try it, Nic was struggling to remove her jeans.

She fell onto the bed and was under the sheets and asleep before her head hit the pillow. I turned off a few lights and did the same.

In the early hours of the morning I woke rather cold and in desperate need of a pee there was this light snoring beside me and I was jolted to the reality of Nic who was sleeping like a slightly drunken baby. After the pee, I threw a blanket over us both and snuggled up closer to her.

The next thing I knew it was broad daylight and I opened my eyes to see Nic propped on her elbow looking at me. She was wearing her Santa cap and jacket and, as far as I could see, nothing else. She laughed at me as I struggled to consciousness and said ‘Happy Xmas’.

-And Happy Xmas to you, Nic, I replied weakly.

-And here’s your Xmas present!

I must have looked bemused because she said: It¹s me, silly. I’m your Xmas present. I rolled my eyes she was lying on her side with the weight of her breast making her Santa top sag open, quite a sight, not to mention the cheeky grin and the glimpse of dark fur at the lower V of her jacket.

-What a gorgeous present, I said, how could I refuse it! But, hey, what can I give you?

-Ho, ho, ho! She carolled. I’ve thought of that. And she pulled out from under the sheets a string of Xmas bells, which she put around my neck. I think you’d make a lovely Xmas present. Can I have you?

-Can you what! I laughed, I’d love to be your present, and we sat looking at one another. -Then the need to satisfy a few basic needs overcame me and I said: look, before we open our present.

And then I stopped as the thought of what that implied overcame me she smiled. -Aaah, well, I need food and to clean up a bit first.

So we took ourselves to the kitchen and in between some speculative cuddles the feel of her naked body under the Santa jacket was quite intoxicating. I slipped my fingers down to her fur which made her shudder.

-No, don’t. I’m saving myself.

-Heavens, I didn’t know you were a virgin.

-Just till after breakfast, silly, then you’ll see, she said slipping her hand under my T-shirt and running teasing fingers down my back. You’ll be pleased to know I ate my essential porridge but finally we made it back to bed with a bottle of champagne and a plate of Xmas cake. We fed each other sips of champagne and pieces of cake as we knelt facing each other. Oh, she said at last, touch me like you did before and I slid a gentle hand down to her cunt and touched her clit very gently until she arched her body very hard against my hand and then threw herself into my arms kissing me until we were out of breath. When we came up for air she lay on her side against me stroking my nipples and finally my cunt. I was tense with desire when she withdrew her fingers and sucked them noisily: ooh, I don’t know which flavour I like best, the cake or the cunt, I need to test again, and so saying, she slid down the bed and buried her head between my legs and licked and sucked me into an explosive heaven.

As I lay trembling she pulled herself up my body and kissed me with her wet mouth, pausing only to say: it¹s not the cake!

The feel of her body on me, the heaviness of her breasts, was totally wonderful. It was my turn to taste her down there. And I was reminded again that there is no perfume in the world like the cunt of a woman who has just come.

Next we ate the Xmas cake and then I remembered the time.

-Hey, I said languidly, do we need a plan for the day or shall we just keep doing this?

-Well, I vote for this. I will need to ring a few friends later I suppose.

-Hey, would you like to have Xmas tea with Pammy, Mandy and I? There’s heaps of stuff and I’d love her to meet you.

-That would be great, she said with a big grin, but no Santy costume mustn’t destroy the child’s illusions, no, no, no!

-I’ll ring Pammy later and let her know I’m bringing you I’m sure she’ll be pleased.

-That’s settled then, Nic stretched luxuriously, let’s play bedroom games.

And we did. She had a lovely curvy body, nicely plump, round breasts and the most luscious bum it was such a turn on to run my hands over it and tease that cleavage with light fingers.

At one point she lay close to me and said: what haven’t we done that you might really, really like?

Oooh, I pondered, if I lie on my back will you kneel over me so I can fuck you with my tongue? Sensational, as her breasts swung above me, ready to my hands, oh, Chris, she cried, as she came in my mouth, you’re making me weak at the knees!

When we had both recovered from that I asked the same question.

She lay me face down and sitting aside me facing to the rear, rode herself to orgasm on me before sliding her fingers into my cunt.

Time passed we drank champagne, ate food and pleasured each other until mid afternoon.

I suddenly caught sight of the clock face: oops, look at the time! I fear we are soon going to have to rejoin the real world.

We lay in each other’s arms and groaned, reeking of sex and sweat and Xmas cake. And then we showered for a very long time our bodies pressed together magnificent. She dragged out some suitable clothes from her suitcase: we actors always have a change of costume, she joked.

I rang Pammy and asked if it would be OK for me to bring a guest.

-That would be lovely, said the ever-polite Pammy. I’ll set another place. Anyone I know?

-Not really, I said, I’ll explain later.

-I can’t wait see you at five.

So the two of us turned up for tea, squeaky clean and smiling. Pammy had no doubt about what we had been doing. She winked at me and nodded approvingly when Nic wasn’t looking.

Mandy took to Nic at once and showed her all the Xmas bounty including the presents from Santa she told her all about these in detail.

Later during tea she looked up at Nic, puzzlement in her eyes, and said, do you know what have I met you before?

Nic smiled and putting on her heavy Irish accent said: Begorra, my dear, you never know for certain in this life.

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